LETS TALK ABOUT SEX

Do you know why sex is so amazing? Sex is so amazing because God created it! Sex is an amazing thing that God wants us to have plenty of and he wants us to enjoy it to the fullest!

… but he wants you to enjoy it the way that he intends, within marriage.

So how do you deal with the temptation of sex before you get married? Let me give you some tips that I personally used to finally be able to withstand the temptation of premarital sex:

  1. Learn the truth about sex

    • Sex is not bad. Sex is not evil. Sex is not something Satan created.

    • God created sex.

    • God wants you to have sex… but within marriage.

    • Sex is not something you cannot do. Sex is something you GET TO DO.

    • You get to experience God’s way in God’s time.

    • Sex is not just an act of pleasure. Sex is a way to SEAL the deal; its a covenant.

    • Sex connects you to other people. You should connect to one person. The saying “soul ties” is real. Be careful who you connect yourself to and who you let inside of your temple.

    • Sex is a sin against your own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

    • The pleasure of premarital sex is temporary; it’s over quickly. The pleasure of marital sex is infinite and covered by God.

    • TIP: ask yourself this question - is a quick “fix/climax/peak worth the consequences of not being obedient to God? Is it worth losing your peace and the feeling brokenness? Literally, every time I felt like I was about to masturbate, watch porn, or have sex, I asked myself this question and determined it was not worth the after effects and consequences of being outside of God’s will”

  2. Arm yourself/ Stay Covered

    • Set alarms on your phone with Bible Verses or Prayers. Make them for random times. For an example: Set an alarm for 7:30pm that says “1 Corinthians 10:13.” Or, even make it personal. Put your name in it. example: “Catheryne, God will always provide you with a way out of temptation.” It is important to have God’s word and promises all around you to fight against temptation.

    • Set alarms when you suspect that you may be tempted. If you have a date planned for 7pm, set an alarm reminding yourself to stay strong and to seek God or maybe, to go home instead of that persons house.

    • Listen to sermons that directly speak into the situations and circumstances in which you are facing. Is it lust outside of your marriage? Infidelity? Masturbation? Sex with randoms? sex with your boyfriend? Shacking up? Etc. Submerge yourself in God’s word and God’s wisdom.

    • When you feel tempted, open up your Bible. When you feel tempted, get onto your knees and pray. When you feel tempted, call an accountability partner or someone that you know that can speak life into your situation in that moment.

    • Pray! Pray for covering before you even leave the house. Pray even before you are tempted or suspect that you may be tempted. Ask God to help you to die to your flesh and to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Ask God to remove the urge from you until its your time. Ask God to strengthen you.

    • Be careful of what you put into your mind. It is important that you guard yourself against things that feed your fleshly desires. You may not want to listen to songs filled sex. You may not want to watch movies/ shows filled with sex. these things seep into your mind and everything thats goes into your mind, must come out.

  3. Avoid Tempting Situations

    • If you know that the guy you are dating is tempting to you, then do not date him anywhere alone, quiet, or where there is opportunity to give into temptation.

    • Avoid going to the homes of the opposite sex, especially late at night. You should be able to date publicly and find affordable/free things to do in public.

    • If you know you like to watch porn and masturbate at night, then at night, go hide your phone/computer/etc. or put your phone/computer/etc. far away from yourself. If you have a certain time you watch porn, take it a step further by asking a friend that you trust to call you around that time to speak love and light into you.

    • If alcohol arouses you or cause you to be promiscuous, then its time to put the alcohol away sis.

    • Never assume that you can control yourself; more often than not, the situation will end the same way it did many times before. Avoid the same patterns altogether.

  4. Conviction > Guilt

  • If Satan can keep you feeling guilty; he can get you to do it again.

  • If Satan can keep you feeling guilty; he can get you to do it again.

  • If Satan can keep you feeling guilty; he can get you to do it again.

  • Yes, I had to list that three times. Why? Because feeling guilty after each time you give into temptation will only lead you back to that. My feeling guilty after each time that I had sex prior to being married is literally the one factor that kept me going back for more sex.

  • God will convict your heart. He wants you to make better choices but he does not want you to feel guilty or like you cannot come to him. God responds in love and he provides you with what you need to break away from sexual temptation. However, if the devil can keep you guilty, he can influence a wedge between you and God as he pushes you closer to sin.

Queens, I know that I am married now, but I remember the struggle all too well and I have struggled with sexual temptation since high school. Please understand that I am not speaking from a place of not being able to understand or relate. I also know that it is not easy to turn away from sexual temptation. I know that sex feels good and I know how it feels to fall into temptation repeatedly. I know how hard is is to abstain from having sex with someone you like/love, but take it from someone who has been on both sides, sex is so much better God’s way. Trust God’s way and keep your eyes on Him.

When you have sex out of God’s will, you begin to create issues in a marriage that has not even formed yet. If you cannot control yourself prior to getting married, you will have issues controlling yourself during marriage. If you cannot resolve your sex-related issues prior to getting married, you will have sex-related issues within your marriage. This does not mean that you cannot over come these issues; it simply means that you will have to face these issue head on within your marriage. My husband and I had several issues with the way we perceived sex before we got married. There are still times where we find ourselves battling with some of those issues when we have sex. We are still working through sexual issues that we had prior to getting married.

I guarantee that if you intentionally protect yourself against sexual temptation while praying for God to change you on the inside, sexual temptation will no longer control you. Learn the truth about what God says about sex, cover yourself in His Word, surround yourself with wisdom and reminders, get you an accountability partner, be intentional on refraining from sticky situations, and don’t allow satan to influence you to live in guilt. When you do fall, get up and run toward God and never away from his embrace. He is not ashamed of you, so you don’t have to be ashamed of you. His son’s blood covered all that.

We are rooting for you.

Please email us if you need to go deeper, if you need an accountability partner, if you need prayer, if you need to vent, etc.

We love you,
but God Loves you Best!

Xoxo,
Queen Catheryne

Your Biblical Bestie

HAVE SEVERAL SEATS SIS!

God called me out and also instructed me to use my mess to help my sisters out.

Many of you know that I get married in 14 days, I’m a mother of an energetic 6-year-old, I’m in the middle of getting a home, I’m in law school, I’m a law clerk at a firm, and I am also the founder of Queens That Pray. Many of you also know that the past two weeks have been extremely rough on me because I lost a friend. I mention these things to paint a picture of my schedule and the things that I was facing at the time leading up to the moment that God checked me.

By Friday of last week, I was drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yet, I had agreed to go shopping and to Top Golf for a law school social with my friend.
After shopping and hanging out with her, I proceeded to drive an hour to my home. I had eventually fallen asleep at the wheel and had woken up on the other side of the highway. I called my fiancé and told him that I could not make it home and that I was going to pull over to the side of the road until he came to get me. As soon as I made it home, I continuously expressed to him how tired I was and how I just needed sleep. I had literally taken a shower and passed out in my towel.

The following day, my fiancé and I had an appointment with our realtor to see a total of 8 homes. We did not finish until after 8pm. I hadn’t eaten nor drank water at all up until 9pm. As a result, I nearly fainted during the house showings. I had arranged to study once I reached home because by this time, I was sooo behind in school due to the passing of my friend, wedding stuff, mommy stuff, and being drained. However, of course, once I made it home, I was as drained as ever and crashed.

Sunday, I told my fiancé that I was not going to make it to church because I needed to catch up on school work. My plan was to wake up early, and to sit at my desk all day in attempt to catch up. That is until my mom told me that she was going to visit my nana. I went along to see my nana and then realized that my golden-doodle had an appointment for shots at 4. We took him for shots and then arrived home around 6:30 pm. Because it was Sunday, I had to wash clothes, feed my son, and get him ready for bed. Finally, it was time for me to study, but I was drained! It was after 8pm! So I drank a sugar free red bull.

I ended up going to sleep at 3am Monday morning and waking up at 6am.

Now, it is Tuesday and I am at my desk, in my office and I am not focused and I yawn every 90 seconds.

God tapped me on my shoulder today and he told me a few things that I want to share with you:

1. “You have the power of Choice” – Queens most of what we complain about, we sign up for. Most of what we take on was never meant to be taken on. You tired? Well no one told you to stay up late watching TV. No one told you to procrastinate on your assignments. No one told you to sleep at that boy’s house. No one told you to pick up an extra job. You have the power to CHOOSE. You have the power to say no. Look at my scenario, had I left work and went home instead of shopping and socializing I wouldn’t have been so exhausted to the point of falling asleep at the wheel. I guarantee that I would have been able to tackle some school work also had I chosen not to go to my nana’s. Again, I would not have been as behind nor exhausted. Queen you have choice! How many times have you agreed to something and then complained about it later? i.e. “God, I'm so tired! I hate my job!” And God replies “I never told you to pick up an additional job. I am provider.”

  • TASK: Think about the areas where you are signing up for something that God never told you to take on. Think about the areas where you are trying to be super woman and you don’t have to be. Ask God to reveal these areas to you.

2. “Be still. Rest is found in me” — Sometimes we are moving so fast that we miss God. It is not that he is not speaking to us, it is that we are too busy or distracted to hear him. When is the last time you rode in silence in your car instead of blasting music? When is the last time you paused and asked God what he wanted to say to you after listening to a sermon? When is the last time you ran to God before gossiping or venting to Instagram, facebook, your best-friend, or twitter? There is a saying that talks about the fact that if Satan cant get you to follow him, he will simply distract you or keep you busy. When you are distracted, you are walking out of purpose. When you are too busy, you are disconnected from God. God said “Catheryne, be still and rest in me.” Today God is telling you all to be still and to seek him. He will give you rest. It is only found in him. Again, REST is ONLY found in Jesus.

  • TASK: Pick a time, every day this week, and turn off your phone. Turn it off, and sit before God. You can open your Bible, pray, or just ask him to speak to you. Ask for rest. Seek his face and his voice. Choose God over the glass of wine. Choose God over the loud music. Choose God over venting. I guarantee you come out physically and mentally rested.

3. I am your source, plug in. – Your phone is on 1%, what do you do? Panic, right? You run around looking crazy searching for a charger before your battery dies. Then, you get to the plug and successfully connect the power to your phone and you let out a deep sigh and relax. Ohhhhh…… IF only you were like that when it came to God. When you feel like you are on 1% mentally or physically, what should you do? You should run crazy, pray crazy, scream crazy, seek crazy, etc. until you are able to plug into the source! Yes, the source is GOD! On Sunday, I chose not to go to church but I also chose to go see my nana. On Sunday, I relied on red-bull but I didn’t plug into God. This resulted in me being empty and exhausted. An energy drink will never sustain you. An energy drink may keep you moving but it will never give you rest. Seek God and plug in. HE can give you energy to do what he's called you to do. God can give you strength when you are weak, if you would just plug in. Your phone cannot operate and function if it is not plugged into the wall. It will not charge without being connected to the source. You are no different. Sis, I encourage you to plug in.

  • TASK: PLUG INTO GOD! Not social media. Pick up your Bible. Not gossip and venting. Lift your voice in prayer or praise! 

God is telling me that we are wrapped up in our timelines and consumed by a to do list. Whether your timeline is mental or physical. God is telling me that the devil has been keeping us distracted and that the only way to eliminate distraction is to consistently plug into him. He will order your steps and wisdom to discern when it comes to your choices.

Today I pray that we will remain plugged in, that we will find rest in God, and that we will make the choices that God approves of within our lives.

Slow down, be still, rest, and plug in.

You don’t HAVE to do everything alone.

YOU CAN MAKE IT!


Additional Tips:

1.       Write down everything you feel you  must do. (i.e. soccer practice, work, study, grocery shop, run, brunch, church, organize, clean, etc)

2.       Pray and ask God to reveal what’s a distraction and cross it off

3.       Ask God to help you to prioritize and then rearrange your list

4.       Plan accordingly but also add quiet time with God and sleep

5.       Each day, start by plugging in and asking for energy and anything else you need to accomplish 

your list.

This Blog Post was Originally Created in 2018

We love you,
but God Loves you Best!

Xoxo,
Queen Catheryne

Your Biblical Bestie